Community Response
We are caught in an inescapable network of
mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.
Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly”.
(Martin Luther King)
Survivors often discover that when they finally find the understanding and courage to disclose sexual abuse by clergy or lay charges against the perpetrator, they do not receive the support of their faith communities. Instead, they are disbelieved, criticized, ostracized, their personal and spiritual integrity and even their sanity questioned. Often they are driven out of their faith community by the hostility, aggression or even persecution they meet.
This kind of behaviour towards survivors constitutes what is known as ‘secondary abuse’. It is a very serious form of psychological and emotional abuse. It is one of the major reasons that survivors fear to disclose what happened to them. It is also one of the major blocks to the healing of survivors and of their faith communities.
Many survivors say that secondary abuse by their religious authorities and faith communities is as devastating, if not more devastating, than the sexual abuse. For many, it is not the sexual abuse but the hostile reaction of the community which drives survivors from their faith community and /or causes them to lose their religious faith. When religious leaders perpetrate sexual violence and abuse, the behaviour of the authorities and community is often very similar to that within incestuous families. The perpetrator is often protected and all efforts a made to hush up what has happened.
Why do communities react like this?
Ultimately such behaviour stems to SHOCK, FEAR and IGNORANCE on the part of the faith community.
- People often find the security they need in life lies in their religious faith. When sexual violence and abuse by a religious leader come to light, it threatens that security – and people often will defend that security with surprising viciousness
- Very often people in faith communities simply do not know how to cope with what has come to light. Their denial is a way they defend their psychological security. But communities and even churches are often fractured as a result.
- Often people place their clergy on such high pedestals that they really do not or cannot believe that their minister or priest could possible do such a heinous thing as rape or sexually abuse anyone. This is especially true if the perpetrator has a lot of personal charism, has done good work in his parish and helped a lot of people.
- Religious leaders may fear that their power and authority will be undermined if sexual abuse by any of their colleagues is exposed.
- Often ignorance may play a part – people often have no idea of the impact of sexual abuse and sexual violence on survivors, and the profound and lasting damage usually done to survivors. They see it as private matter, a ‘weak moment’ in the minister, instead of as a very serious crime against society. People are loyal to their faith community and want to preserve its good reputation.
But what happens when such loyalty conflicts with
the rights
and needs of survivors in their midst?
Rights and Needs of Survivors
- Survivors have a right, and often a deep need, to tell their stories - openly, if they so wish. If we are hi-jacked or robbed or mugged or shot, we do not hesitate to tell others quite openly to anyone who will listen. Why should it be different with sexual offences?
- Survivors have a right and a need to be believed
- They have a right and a need for justice.
- They have a right and a need to be treated with respect.
- They have a right to be angry.
- They have a right not to be forgiving especially when the crime is not acknowledged, when they are denied justice. Forgiveness is a deeply personal matter. It sometimes happens even spontaneously as a fruit of healing. It happens if and when the time is right, not because people demand it, or because religion expects it.
- Survivors have a right and a deep need for compassion, support, help and solace from their religion and faith community.
WHAT ARE WE ALL DOING TO CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT THAT MAKES IT SAFE FOR SURVIVORS TO DISCLOSE AND TO HEAL? WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OPEN UP THE WOUNDS OF SEXUAL ABUSE WITHIN OUR FAITH COMMUNITIES SO THEY, TOO, CAN HEAL AND GROW?
We welcome any insights or sharing of experiences of survivors and of people in their families and communities. If you would like to share your perspective on this, please (Contact Us) We welcome and value your voice.